i dont want to be ignored in a conversation.. i want my turn to talk.

dont "yes your right" me to death to get out of talking about something important. When you do that it leads to me feeling ignored, not important and beneath you.

I count too! I am important too!

dont make ur own assumptions of the kind of person i am. You DONT know me so stop judging me. I come to work to work, not to be ostresized and picked upon. Do your job so that I can do mine.



--

anger builds up inside of me to a point where the talking in my head makes me want to expode. i want to expode by _________ and screaming its not healthy.

--

confession: i havent cut in 3 years and it gets hard sometimes but I have to remember to be strong. I am stronger then this. I can fight you.


.


(reasons why I cut myself.)

quote from psychologist Abraham Maslow "It isn't normal to know what you want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement."

My husband is currently waiting in line at unemployment to re-open his case because he was having so much fun on thanksgiving week that he forgot to submit his unemployment for a check monday.. oops. Apparently there are several others who did the same, so now he waits in line.

The evil work they call front desk boss has decided to cut hours in due to the doctor leaving for the holidays. She was unfair with the hours because I am not her BFF. The evil ones clone is getting more.

I can not work on 25 hours "supposidly as a full time employee". Not happening! Raising hell isnt an option because of the politics of the office.

I am in search for a 2nd or new job. 1st interview at 3pm. yuck, i hate interviews.

This will cheer me up!



BETTER TIMES..

I must destroy my new neighbors.. but how? Maybe listening to Lady Gaga will help... or just make me shake my ass. haha

She is amazing! Now I'm off track... time to listen to her!

There are 2 tattoos so far that I am going to get and I know I may want more. I am going next month to get a tattoo on my wrist first (totally wanted it before the wannabe celebs starting it as a fucking trend).

- Wrist - I hold to key to my life and future, I can open any door I want!!!!




I dunno where I want this one yet or if I may make it smaller.
- Whimsical/Poet/Me -

Time to start my journey again... in a place called work. Survival mode.

We talked & yelled and it feels alot better.



reading to clear the brain.

Having him home all the time is driving me to go crazy.

I don't even know how to start this entry... except I admit I am a judgmental and bitchy person.

We have new 2nd floor neighbors and we will have to stop using the driveway to the left of the house because it is for them. HOWEVER, they are moving in right now and my car is temporarily parked in the driveway until tomorrow, which I will move it when I go to work and park it on the side street. BUT before I can do that tomorrow, our new neighbors have decided to park their ghetto ass car behind my car! So... my car is blocked in the driveway.

I am furious! My husband thinks it is over because they will move it. They fucking better! I have work tomorrow morning and they don't wanna meet me in the morning because I will cut heads off! ::deep breathe::

I judge because they are big, loud, hispanic and remind me of my child hood growing up with my dad's family. When you grow up in a loud environment, you either become the same thing loud and rude or become the opposite. I am the opposite. I speak clearly. I am courteous to others.

Its a part of my that is not flattering by any means, but I can not change that part of me. Just like they cant change who they are, I just don't like them.

I enjoy the peaceful street I live on, and I don't want it to be taken away from me. I will be so devastated and crushed. It gives me a lot of anxiety.

Clarity - I am not ready for children and a family.

Sometimes I wonder about people. How can he always say everything is ok, or yes I moved the transaction date we are all set. THEN WE ARE NOT ALL SET!!! Omg it's so fucking frustrating to have that kind of person around me.

Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart but come on!!! Stop being lazy and double check everything before opening your mouth. It feels like he just wants to shut me up OR have ME do all the hard work. I make calls and get things done damn it. Just because you don't want to do it, it doesn't mean you can run away from it.

This is dedicated to you. Shape up!

I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website. I have to spruce up my website.

I really don't like working in the Methuen branch of my job. I feel like Ugly Betty, but not really. Here is what I mean - I am a people person and try to be very courteous while the other girl likes to swear and talk a lot of slang. I do my work fast and efficiently, the other girl makes fun of my because I'm too fast and I should try and slow down so she doesn't look bad. FUCK YOU!

SO uneducated, SO ghetto, SO rude.

I am not a prejudice person either, I came from the ghetto but the difference is I CHOSE to educate myself and not be a statistic. I was born in Bronx, NY and raised in Brooklyn and Lowell, MA. I understand the way things are I just don't think it is appropriate in the work place.

Now the reason I referred myself to Ugly Betty is because she doesn't fit into the mold at her job site, and I don't either. I refuse to lose myself and change to be like one of them. I like who I am damn it!

I feels good to let this out somewhere. I dont like to complain about my job because its close to home and I am still employed. With the ways things are now a days I want to hold onto work.

This is my outlet.

I came across my livejournal again and figured life is pretty boring right now, so what the hell.

Things seem a little boring right now for me, maybe because I work a new shift requiring me to be home alone from 8am - 12am with nobody but my cat, or maybe its because I am a married woman and all the fun of planning is over, not to mention the attention has been taken off me again. I like to tell myself and other "please, no attention" but during my wedding I really enjoyed it. I usually fight to get attention and it came so easily. I think I was spoiled by it. lol

The real thing is that, I am realizing I need to start paying attention to myself and MY needs. What do I want? Looking back at my entries I realized I was high and low and everything in between...

I want clarity.

dedicated to me!

thats right, i now belong to the world of sports bras. for at least the next 3 weeks says my surgeon. not that i have an issue with sports bras, in fact i could never fit into one. I cant wait to be healed enough for regular bras. sigh. i am unsure what size i am yet because the swelling is still there and my breasts are more quished back from guaze. they wont be "formed" for another 2-3 weeks. at least they are perky! hahah

jennie is playing the waiting game with her boobs. (ha-ha)

peace out.

TODAY I AM HAVEING MY BREAST REDUCTION SURGERY! I AM FINALLY READY TO CLOSED A CHAPTER IN MY LIFE AND START A NEW ONE! WISH ME LUCK!!!

XOXOXO

Juno was a good movie... i am loving the music!

happy new year everyone!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! For some reason it didn't feel the same this year..

Happy Holidays Everyone!